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For Zoe

16th March

Dull routine had taken over quickly, something Wash was used to. His wild imagination helped him fill in the days at the helm of Serenity when he had to pull long, tedious shifts. His wild imagination helped him here as he imagined what the things that they had found strewn across the station could do.

Between that, the cleaning up and figuring out of the station, and the fact that his wife was here with him, Wash was as close to content as he could expect to be. Mostly. If he could now get Zoe to relax, and drop being so paranoid, life would be better still.

He was currently strewn on the bed in the room they'd claimed as their quarters, watching his wife. Something he could never get enough of.

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"That's not..." she pauses, trying to pick her words carefully. She realizes she was in her own head, not talking to him and leaving him out of the loop of her own thoughts.

"Just meant that if we get comfortable, it's..." She stands, back to him and shoulders tense. Zoe closes her mouth, lips setting in a thin line.

"Don't mean to shut you out. I'm sorry." Her own arms are crossed protectively across her chest, and she sits back down on the edge of the bed, trying to figure herself out.

Wash watched her as she stood up, his heart sinking for a moment. He didn't want a fight with her, not at the moment, when everything was so complicated, so when she sat back down he sat upright, leaning against her and resting his forehead on her shoulder.

"Baby, talk to me."

Zoe's quiet for a long time, head down, trying to figure out her thoughts.

"Feels like when I got caught on that moon, was in that jail. Just...fancier. And with better company. But we're still stuck. All of us. And it could be for somethin' gorram horrible for all we know, but we're just supposed to eat and socialize and act like everything is fine? What happens when the other shoe drops, Wash?"

"An' what happens if it don't drop?" Wash asked in return. "What happens if we're here for weeks, months? What then?"

He sighed. "I get the fact you have to be cautious. I do. But you can't, not all the time."

Zoe finally looks at him, hating the truth that's about to come out of her mouth.

"I'm scared, Wash. And I ain't been scared in a long, long time."

She doesn't get scared. She's Zoe. Strong and unbending. But knowing, not being able to control anything that happens to her now. That scares her.

Wash leaned into her, his forehead resting against hers.

"Maybe I ain't so scared, 'cause I was already terrified out my mind for you. We nearly lost you," he admitted.

Zoe closes her eyes, taking a deep breath or two.

"I'm sorry, bao bei," she says quietly. For everything, even the things she can't help, at this point.

"What can I do to help, baby?" Wash said quietly. If he was going to have to deal with a terrified Zoe, then he wanted to know what he could do to make things easier, no matter how hard it was for him.

"You're doin' it," she promises, shifting so that she can wrap her arms around her husband. She's quiet for a second, just holding onto him, before she speaks.

"I was that bad?" she asks of her prior injuries. It just seems strange to her, to have been mostly fine upon waking up in her holding cell here.

"Yeah," Wash said, looking at her for a long moment. He wasn't going to tell her what River had let slip in the shuttle, that Zoe's heart had stopped until the doc had got her stabilized. "You wouldn't wake up. Doc did his thing though... an' you were going to soon. I know you are."

Zoe just sighs softly, closing her eyes and trying to think through her fears logically.

"Keep thinkin' we're gonna get separated again." And that's what she's really afraid of. "But if we're together, it should be okay."

"Well, we're the only husband and wife brought here together," Wash pointed out. "That's gotta mean something, right?"

"Makes us stronger," she agrees before kissing him softly. "Gives us an advantage."

Zoe pulls back to look at him. "I'm tryin', Wash."

"An' we use that advantage," Wash said, nodding at her before returning the kiss. It seemed like it had been too long.

"I know, sweetie," he said, brushing her hair back, rubbing his thumb along her cheek. "And it ain't easy for you."

Zoe forces herself to calm down and relax against him, her forehead resting against his.

"I love you. I'm glad you're here, 'cause if you weren't....I don't know, Wash..."

That scares her, that she'd be alone.

"Hey, I'm glad my Zoe is here," Wash said, smiling at her. Mainly because he knew he'd be safe with Zoe protecting him. He feels all kinds of lost in this place, unable to pilot anything, on a station going god knows where. Zoe's his rock, and she's right. Together they are stronger.

Zoe's forehead presses against him and she closes her eyes, hands on either side of his face as she breathes him in.

"You're right. More often than I give you credit for. An' you're right now. I gotta get over this."

Wash looked at her, smiling at her. "I know it ain't easy for you." Zoe didn't open up easily, not to anyone that she didn't see as family - which was basically the crew of the Serenity. "To give up control like that."

If anyone knew how hard it was for her, it was Wash. People get shot when Zoe doesn't feel like she has complete control over a situation back home.

"I just don't want getting comfortable to mean that whoever's...watching us or is in control, can take advantage of us. That's all."

"Zoe, I think that since neither of us are in control of where we're goin' or who we see, we ain't got nothing to fear about being comfortable." Wash loved being amongst the stars, but the lack of control over where he was going was starting to get to him. "But I don't want us to shut each other out."

Zoe frowns a little. "I'm sorry," she says, fingers wrapping around his collar gently, keeping him close. "I didn't realize. Didn't mean to shut you out." Because she's realizing his use of 'us' is just being polite since she's the one who's been panicking and paranoid.

"I hate it when you do it, that's all," Wash said with a shrug. "Cause I'm tryin' to understand what's goin' on in that brain of yours, but just as I get it figured out, this happens. An' now your brain is all twisty again."

"Brain just doesn't like it when things happen I can't even wrap around."

As close as they are now, she's suddenly very aware that they haven't been, and she breathes him in deep, arms wrapping around him, closing her eyes.

"I love you, lao gong. For puttin' up with someone hard-headed as me."

Wash grinned at her, before hugging her tightly. "Just so you know, I think very few people would be willin' to do it," he pointed out with a laugh. "I am the most patient man ever."

And that is something Zoe is very aware of. It just makes her more grateful. She still can't believe this is the man who just wouldn't give up.

"You are. But don't doubt that you bein' here does wonders for how I'm feelin'."

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